I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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