He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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