Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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