I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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