I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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