how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
