I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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