everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
