I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
