9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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