The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
