Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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