I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My feet surprised me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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