explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
