Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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