You really coming over, don't trick.
why didn't you poke me back
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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