It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
