She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
