i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
