Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Welp...herpes.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
