cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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