My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
