i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
