and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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