So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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