there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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