I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
