ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
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