i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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