Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
