Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
FUCK WHALES
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
