I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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