the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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