I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
