I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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