I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
babies were throwing up all over the place
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
