this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
