I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You ate ashes out of my bong
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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