Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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