Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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