did you get engaged???
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
