I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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