I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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