Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
