I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
last night I used snow as a chaser
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