I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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