i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
