You're a womanizer and a bitch.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
