Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
