I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
there is glitter all over my balls
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
