that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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