Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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