i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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