Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
